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Why am I being abused?

Abuse is a Family Problem. Most of the time, abusive or neglectful parents love their kids and don't see themselves as hurtful. Many of these parents don't feel so good about themselves and may even feel unloved and unappreciated.

It can be hard to understand why child abuse happens. Sometimes adults are so upset about events or feelings in their own lives that they strike out at another adult and/or at a child. Children are "punished" in a way for the problems in their parents' marriage or for family problems. Children sometimes get hurt when they get in the way of a fight between their parents or try to protect a parent. Some parents don't strike out, but withdraw. An overwhelmed parent might lack the energy to care for his or her child.

Parents do not always know a lot about raising children. They're afraid of spoiling their child; they expect too much of a child; or they have trouble tolerating normal behavior like the crying of infants or teens testing their authority.

Abuse can occur when one or more of the following things happen:

• Stress piles up in a family and becomes too much for the parent or caregiver to handle.
• A parent or caregiver has problems with money or work.
• Someone in the home leaves or dies, or someone new comes into the home, like a relative who needs to live with your family, or a new baby.
• A parent or caregiver feels alone and isolated and has no one to turn to for support.
• A parent or caregiver drinks alcohol or uses drugs to escape from his or her own bad feelings. These substances interfere with decision-making and the ability to control behavior and anger.
• Severe emotional problems or health problems interfere with a parent's ability to take care of a child or to respond in an adult way.
• Sometimes, a parent or caregiver may have been abused by his or her own parents and doesn’t know how to handle difficult situations. They many only know how to "solve" problems through violence. And they may even believe that harsh, physical punishment is the only way to discipline their child.

None of these reasons make it okay for parents to hurt or neglect you. They can only help you understand that the abuse is because of your parent's problem and is not something you caused.

Why is this Happening Now?

Sometimes a parent can't cope with a particular child in the family or with a child of a particular age. The fights that some teens have with their parents can become very intense and result in abuse for the first time; or, these arguments may be a reason that a long-abused child finally seeks outside help. Some adults are confused by a teenager’s changing body and respond in inappropriately sexual ways.